how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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