I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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