If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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