felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's the barista slut.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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