Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
