i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
