It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
