I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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