i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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