Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize