thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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