Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
