I wish my penis had an off switch
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
