everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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