It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
