"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
