Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
try to milk me bitch
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