why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
