she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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