My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
