is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Be still, my beating vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
