you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just gift wrapped bread.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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