I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize