What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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