at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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