At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
