Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
