Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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