I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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