Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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