Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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