Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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