Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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