I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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