This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize