You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
