I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
