I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize