In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
