The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
