I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
