nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
