bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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