Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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