When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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