My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
