I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
