It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
