Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
