consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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