She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
