dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
