So drunk its hurt
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
