Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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