I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
