Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
