Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
