You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
