Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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