I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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