Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
