You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
