took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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