I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
