You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can I color on your dick again?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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