never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize