I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize