some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
