no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
