They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
