Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
