Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
