Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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