On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
