I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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