im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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