I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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